The Recovery - Things I Have Learned

It has been five days since my surgery, and here are some of the things I have learned about myself and my parents.

1. Percocete does not have the fun side effects of viocodin.

Back in 2008, I had a hammer toe surgery. I know that many people like Barberton Hospital just fine, but for me, that was a one and done. First of all, the nurse put me in a "one size fits all" gown. Now, I don't know how many of you are familiar with Barberton fried chicken, but let's say "one size fits all in Barberton" left me with a sheet that I tried to wrap around myself three times. Then, the anasestologist gave me enough of whatever cocktail that I literally couldn't wake up. After about three or four hours, they forcibly woke me up and basically kicked me out of recovery into my sister arms. Now, she was suppose to take me to my apartment, but since I couldn't stand up on my own, I went to parents house where I fell back asleep and didn't wake up until the next day. I recall not eating a thing that day because I felt that crappy. Then, the doctor gave me viocidin, and I spent a bulk of that particular weekend texting a guy I had dated that spring telling him he was right about me and some of my personality traits. Oh wow, was that an experience!

This time around, however, I actually had a gown that seemed to fit, even feet warmers that were my size. I did struggle with sleeping for the next two days, but I was popping those pain pills like tic tacs. Someone mentioned to me before the surgery that you will be surprised by how many movements start in the core and will cause you pain, and she was definitely right. No text messages from anyone saying, "man, how many drugs did they give you?"

2. I need to re-evaluate my 1 to 10 pain scale. When I was in the hospital, just sitting there, I told them 4, even got down to a 3. I think the problem was that I was just sitting there with an IV of drugs in me. They didn't ask, "try to move and tell us what the pain is" because that probably would have been closer to an 8.

Granted, as she was sitting there, I think my mom had to stop herself from saying, "yeah, Marie's '4'" is probably closer to most people's 8 or 9. Why, because like many people who have suffered from physical therapists, I know what my '10' is and have only reached it once. That's right, getting hit by a car, still an 8 compared to the sadistic workings of one physical therapist named Mike. Ten days after my ACL reconstruct knee surgery, I mean, the staples were still in my knee, Mike put me stomach down on a table as he wanted to measure the range of motion I had re-acquired. I think I was at 40 degrees without any help. Then, Mike started pushing on my leg to see how far it would go, 50 degrees, bearable, 60 degrees, painful, 70 degrees, the tears started flowing, 80 degrees the begging for him to stop began, 90 degrees, the screams for mercy started, 95 degrees, and he finally stopped. I recall sulking for a few days afterward because it had hurt that badly. The moral of the story was sitting there a few hours after surgery, I should probably have been a 6, but no, for me, I could only muster it a 4.

3. I come by many of my "messy" habits honestly.

While SO and his engineer particular ways are starting to rub off on me, I still have a lifetime of a little mess being acceptable to overcome.

4. Bodily functions from coughing, laughing, sneezing, and going to the bathroom hurt, enough said!

5. I am probably the person in the world who finds my mom the most funny.

Last year, my mom asked me to help her put up the artificial tree, or what my dad calls "the ornament." Sure, I said, how hard could it be? Well, when we "finished" and still had about 10 branches left over, we decided that it wasn't the job for me. The entire time, I had mental images of SO standing there watching nearly puking at the job we were doing. This year, I helped, but she kept making these comments that aren't really funny to anyone but me. For instance, we were looking through ornaments, and she said, "now where are those Rote singers." I knew which ornament she meant, but it still makes me laugh as I know she was pointing out the irony as no one in their right mind would think of our family singing as a beautiful thing. I have had to yell at my mom multiple times to remind her that laughing does indeed hurt.

6. I am easily addicted to backgammon.

I installed a backgammon app on my phone, and my eyes have literally started hurting from playing the game the entire weekend. It has to be the number's thing, I don't know, but I can't stop playing it!

7. Two days is my threshold for showering. I still love her dearly, but my first roommate in college, LM, had a tendency not showing for days, maybe even weeks at a time, as a kind of social experiment. I will say that she has/had this huge head of curly hair that she couldn't really wash everyday, but she would start to smell. I recall one Sunday evening, she asked me, "can you smell me." To which I responded, "YES!" She then said, "No you can't." That is when I started my bad habit of banging my head against the wall. (not really a habit, but I feel like doing it all the time). After two days, I had had enough, couldn't look in the mirror, nearly used a stick to take my clothes to the laundry. Ahh, I like feeling clean!